Review: One For The Money by Janet Evanovitch

Welcome to colorful Trenton, New Jersey, and the wild and wonderful world of Stephanie Plum. In One for the Money, rookie "apprehension agent" Plum may be a bit wet behind the ears, but nobody's gonna take it easy on her; especially her first skip, an ex-cop and murder suspect named Morelli.

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 Honesty time.



I'm among the 1%.




Whoa, folks.  Not this 1% (although how awesome would that be?  Owning attack hounds.  Rocking a monocle.  Wearing titanium shoes.  Using fancy words like 'indubitably' and 'mustachioed'.  I'd be the best billionaire evah.)

I'm talking about the other 1%.  You know, the people who read One for the Money and didn't like it.  People such as:


The Church Lady


Grumpy Old Man


These guys



...Me...

(I guess this means I'm officially old and boring or whatever.) 

But yeah, I totally do not like this book unlike 99% of the GoodReads population.  As far as I'm concerned One for the Money is a dated, exceptionally lame version of The Jersey Shore in which everyone is sporting spandex, big hair, and sexist attitudes. 

So basically it's almost exactly the same as every episode of The Jersey Shore.  Except with more guns.


Not these guns...


Now that's more like it.

Exactly like the Jersey Shore with lots of real guns.  And a really dumb grown woman who cannot be bothered to learn how to shoot a gun even though she's carrying one with her at all times. 

Why, you ask? 

Because she's being stalked by a rapist.  A really violent, super-dangerous raping-rapist who totally wants to rape her.  A lot. 

But that's not all, folks.  There is also a really mysterious mystery.  (A rape-y mystery.) 

This really attractive MENSA candidate wrapped in spandex who can't shoot a gun to save her life is named Stephanie Plum.  Stephanie is trying to solve a mystery so she can help clear the name and reputation of the guy who sexually assaulted her when they were children the smoosh-worthy skeevy man-whore love interest.  All so she can haul him into jail for jumping bail and collect the $20,000 bounty on his head, or whatever. 

In the meantime sexual tension is building between the two.  They're tripping over all the innuendo.  It's sexy and mysterious.  And full of (dumb-)damsel-in-distress like situations.   

How could I not love this book, you ask?  I just don't.  Although, I think I just proved I'm old and boring. If you're not old or boring, and you really love the Jersey Shore, One for the Money might just be right up your alley.  1.5 stars.