Friday, November 13, 2009

Review of Shiver by Maggie Stiefvater

Grace and Sam share a kinship so close they could be lovers or siblings. But they also share a problem. When the temperature slips towards freezing, Sam reverts to his wolf identity and must retreat into the woods to protect his pack. He worries that eventually his human side will fade away and he will be left howling alone at the lonely moon. A stirring supernatural teen romance.

Who is publishing these horribly written YA novels?  Who? (every publisher, ever)  And more importantly, why?  (for tons of cash) 

First off, I didn't finish this book.  I couldn't finish this book.  I couldn't get 1/4 of the way through, even though I have the audiobook.  Actually not only is this book boring as hell but the audiobook was poorly cast (more on that later).  This is another book I picked up because of the pretty cover.  *kicking self, a lot* 

I have to admit the premise sounded interesting--not long before this book crossed my path I'd finished reading Blood and Chocolate, which is, overall, somewhat enjoyable even if it is a little weird--so I just had to read it.  But guess what?  Not an interesting story.  Not even kind of.  

The coupling in this book?   Bizarre.  Boring--I mean, really boring

Sam doesn't think like a guy.  Not even a little.  Sam thinks like a woman.  A really boring older woman.  No guy throws on a puffy coat and thinks "I look like a blimp in this thing."  No heterosexual guy.  No way.  Not ever.  I can't help but wonder if Sam ever gets around to asking Grace if his pants make his butt look fat.  But I digress.

Grace   is   Boring.  Not only that but she's also insipid, and irritating.  Did I mention mind-numbingly boring?  So just to review: Grace:  She's Bella Swan's evil, but oh-so-very-boring twin. 

And the character named Isabella (I think that's her name), that, like, pisses herself?  WTF???  WHY?  Seriously, WHY?  It's because of the pissing scene that I stopped paying attention to the audio book.  Sure, every once in a while I caught snippets of the story.  But none of it was interesting.  So eventually I turned it off and cursed Audible for having a no return policy--sure, it totally makes sense.  But still. 

Tangent: Look, I wasted one of my audible credits on this piece of trash.  I can't resell it, or even trade it for something better.  I'm pissed.

Speaking of the audio book:  like I said earlier it was horribly cast.  The female narrator sounds like a fourteen-year-old girl.  And the male narrator sounds like my old elementary school gym coach.  The one that sorta looked like a child molester--you know what I'm talking about, everyone had a coach like that.  Everyone.

Needless to say, the audio book gave me heebies from the get go.  I couldn't help but picture some ninth grade girl--because, like I said, she sounds quite young--flirting with her disgusting teacher (who has a mustache and wears tiny gym shorts).  I'm still traumatized. 

So yeah, I advise you don't read this book.  And definitely don't buy the audio book.  If you do, don't say I didn't warn you. 

That is all.